Thursday, September 27, 2012

The black suited brigade!

I will probably make enemies as I write this, but one has to remember that never at any stage have I ever invited the 'black suited brigade' to come to my home and try to preach to me.  I have my own beliefs and my own religion- 'Thank you very much!'  I just never needed them to remind me of the upcoming world's end, or any other shock tactic they ever wished to choose.

My first episode with the 'black suited brigade' was when I was in my mid-twenties, and newly married.  I had a day off from teaching, and I was just in the process of giving a bubble bath to our puppy Elsa (a red Australian terrier), and our adopted cat, Snow ( a deserted and then found struggling kitten with sun burnt white ears, who John had found a bit battered on his parents farm). They loved the bubble baths which always surprised our friends and family!  I would let them play in the tub as I put on my bikini, then would gradually and safely empty the water and bubbles while rinsing them, and then holding them gently, I would wrap them in the towels that were laying waiting on the bathroom floor and while wrapped in towels, I would carry them out to the front veranda, on our rented farm house.  Just us and the privacy!

On this particular late morning, I heard a car coming up our country road to our house, and then park outside of our 6 foot high front gate way.  Without even knocking or singing out, these two black suited strangers suddenly entered my front area, where I had been just sitting and enjoying my time with my two pets, my frosty coke and ice, and the morning sun.

As I was only in my bikini, I was already feeling insulted by their behaviour, and then they opened their mouths.  Then I was angry!  My two small pets were frightened and Elsa was trying very hard to be a good guard dog--she wouldn't let them come very close to me and as they moved, she nipped at their feet- which is normal behaviour for this sort of terrier.  That suited me just fine, so I didn't call her off. 

They continued to stand there in the hot sun and started to profess the end of the world usual liturgy and I just sat, sipping my large icy coke and let them talk themselves out.  I was hearing about the end of the world coming soon, and was I prepared, etc...the usual stuff.  When they ran out of breath and bible passages, I sat there very calmly and slowly quoted a bible verse right back at them, defeating their arguments. They were a bit stunned and clearly thrown off--but I just smiled and told them that as a child I had attended for many years a Baptist church and had been very involved in bible study until about the age of 13-14.  I knew my stuff!

They continued to stand in the hot sun, trying to convince me that only what they were saying was correct, and I just quoted bible verses back at them, while I sipped my cold drink and sucked on the ice blocks....this went on for a while...Elsa kept her guard watch and never wavered, but Snow was obviously bored, and eventually jumped off the veranda and lazily strolled over to the  'black suited brigade', sniffed their shoes, and with a dismissal that only a cat can do , she haughtily walked away. 

Eventually, I noticed that my icy coke glass was empty, so I suddenly stood up, called Elsa to come to me and announced. "Well, my cold drink is empty and I am very bored with you, so I am now going inside.  Don't come back--in fact don't approach anyone else here in this community...we don't need or want you.  Goodbye!"  With that I just walked in the front door and securely locked it.

Get ready for Part 2 - yep that means it just kept happening...

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