Memories

On 2 January this year, I remembered and reminisced over the death of our daughter, Lauren, who died at the age of 19, in a car accident while driving with a good friend on their way to a major rock concert.    James survived the awful accident with scarred memories and a scarred and damaged body, but our Lauren didn't.  This all occurred 12 years ago now.

This year the memory of her death has been a tough one for me. I have cried and have had difficulty moving on --you would think I would be over her death by now, but maybe my emotions got all saved up for this year --difficult to know.. Maybe it is because we are going to sell the family home, and this will be the last time I sit in what was her environment.......so I think some good memories are called for:

I remember:

• the times she drove me crazy with her paint blotches everywhere here in the downstairs family room, (her bedroom/studio at the time)   We are still trying to get paint out of curtains, tiles, window sills and furniture!
• the times she would wander up from downstairs to the kitchen and grab a mug of filtered coffee from the coffee maker, then add instant coffee to it --just to make sure she was really awake!
• the times I would take her car keys and insist she sleep, as she only lived on about 4 hours of sleep a day.....She would sleep, then do it all again --she never stopped
• delivering pizza to her at the radio station so that I knew she had something to eat!
• laying in bed on Sunday mornings and listening to her radio show--based on music I would love
• the song she wrote for me for me for Mother's Day, entitled 'Unconditional Love'.. She sang it to me and played it on her guitar.  Better than any commercial present a Mother could have hoped for
• street theatre on East street with her friends, and me being a 'groupie' and having Maddie in tow, because she was so young
• Lauren coming home from her Sunday radio show, grabbing Maddie and her roller blades or skateboard and taking Maddie skating in the empty shopping centre car parks--buying 20 cent rings and having a great time
• roller blading across the stage in the Emmaus College production of 'Fiddler on the Roof' as she portrayed the grandmother -- her idea--and it worked!
• laughing with her -- a lot
• her long dark lustrous hair
• her as a younger girl sitting on a stool while I trimmed her hair as it was so long that she sat on it!
• watching her bravely perform her tap dance routine for her 3rd grade class as she tapped away in front of parents and schoolmates, noticing that one of her taps had fallen off her shoe, kicking it away, and going on with her routine
• watching her play piano on a grand piano on  centre stage in the Emerald Town Hall, in front of the Queensland Music Society, and receiving an award.  She had never touched a real keyboard before that occasion.
• Seeing her wide beautiful blue eyes just staring into mine as I held her in my arms in the hospital just after she was born.  We bonded at that moment.  She was mine, and I was hers.